


living with your choices is just as hard

by fannyann



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, brief Exhibition/Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 11:10:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannyann/pseuds/fannyann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The three of them fall into this thing together -- Harry and Liam go out to dinners and Niall and Liam stay in and watch shitty films and then sometimes the three of them fuck around. And it’s fine, it’s good, it works. That is until Liam comes to terms with what he’s been trying not to think about since that first night together --  he doesn’t want both of them, he just wants the one.</p>
<p>a continuation of ‘<a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1170972">choosing is the hardest part</a>’</p>
            </blockquote>





	living with your choices is just as hard

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [chasinthepayne](http://chasinthepayne.tumblr.com/) for holding my hand pretty much the entire way through this and beta'ing as i went along and to the lovely [goldenfirefly96](goldenfirefly96.tumblr.com) for britpicking this for me. 
> 
> Very obviously from the summary Liam only ends up choosing one and if whoever he picks is a deciding factor on whether or not you would like to read or not I have put who is endgame in the end notes! 

Everything’s a bit different after that first night. The three of them orbit each other in a way that is at once tensely competitive and completely mutual in the way Niall and Harry treat Liam and each other. When Harry’s not taking Liam out and having him spend the night at his place he’s curled up in Niall’s bed or cuddled up to him on the sofa watching rubbish films. Zayn says it’s like he’s got two boyfriends but Liam thinks it’s different than that. It’s not like Niall and Harry aren’t sleeping together sometimes -- always with Liam, never alone -- so maybe it’s a bit like they’re all each other’s boyfriends. But then, Liam’s pretty sure Harry and Niall have no romantic regard for each other. Sure, they’ve gotten to the point where they’ll giggle into each other’s mouths and help get each other off when Liam’s too fucked out to help much but they never initiate it themselves. It’s always an afterthought to getting Liam off and Liam thinks he likes it best that way. It’s selfish and maybe a bit unkind, but he doesn’t much like the idea of sharing Niall and Harry. And maybe if he’s honest with himself, he’d see that there’s still a tension that flares up between the two of them -- like there’s an undercurrent of jealousy when Liam shows more attention to the other, but most of the time it works. It really shouldn’t, but it does. 

Zayn and Louis don’t trust the whole set up -- they never say anything, but Louis watches the three of them with cold, hard eyes and Zayn looks at them like they’re hurt puppies so Liam knows they don’t approve. Liam can’t say he really blames them; it doesn’t make sense at all and he can’t explain it, but he’s happy. He’s so happy.

*

Most times Harry and Niall go golfing by themselves -- they joke that they like alone time together to think of new, ridiculous ways to wind Liam up but Liam suspects they just like each other’s company -- but the week before Valentine’s Day the two of them insist that he comes along. Liam doesn’t feel strongly about golf one way or the other but it seems important to the both of them, so he goes. 

It starts raining seven holes in so they call it quits, shuffling into Harry’s car and heading back to his flat. Liam feels damp and grimy and all he wants is to have a shower. The three of them pile into Harry’s shower and try to make it work. Liam ends up in the middle with Niall behind him and Harry in front. Liam’s getting the majority of the spray and ends up elbowing Niall in the face when he attempts to wash his hair. 

Harry laughs into Liam’s shoulder and Niall reaches around Liam to swat at his arm. “Fuck off, Styles.” 

Liam moves to turn around, leaning forward to kiss Niall’s cheek and then the corner of his mouth. He feels Harry’s fingers dig into his hip as he pulls back to say, “Sorry about that, babe. This isn’t working at all.” 

Niall agrees with another laugh, “Not one bit.” 

Liam starts maneuverings himself out between the two of them, saying slowly, “I’m going to go -- you two do whatever. I’ll just watch.” 

Niall and Harry look at each other over Liam’s shoulder for a moment before catching on and then Harry’s nodding his head frantically. “Oh, okay. Yeah.” 

Liam steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around his waist, resting against the sink and turning a bit so he can get the best view of the two of them. They do this sometimes, where two of them will get each other off while the other watches. Usually Liam is in one of the pairs but when he’s not he’s never disappointed -- for two people who bumble around with each other like hyped up kittens in every other situation, they work surprisingly well together during sex. On the occasions they do get each other off, they move softly and with no rush -- never any desperation between the two of them like there is when Liam’s in the mix. 

Harry looks over at Liam with a wink and then he makes a show of soaping up Niall’s body causing Niall to lean his head forward onto Harry’s shoulder in laughter. A heat pools in Liam’s stomach at the way Harry lifts Niall’s head with gentle hands to pull him in for a kiss -- the way their mouths slot together and the sound that Niall makes when Harry presses him back against the wall, something between a moan and a giggle.

Something twists in Liam’s stomach when Harry and Niall rut their hips together and it makes him want to reach out and push them apart but then Harry dips down and nips at the dip of Niall’s collarbone causing him to giggle and Liam feels overwhelmed. He starts touching himself then. He had intended to wait for the two of them to finish each other off and then have them help him out but the sight of Harry and Niall wanking each other off, water dripping down their backs, mouths slotted together, is all too much for Liam to handle -- he needs some sort of relief. 

He starts out slow, applies just enough pressure for a bit of relief, wanting to savor the image of the two of them working each other off and the way Niall tilts his head back against the tile and let’s out these breathy little _Ah, Harry_ ’s. The glass of the shower door starts to fog up a bit and it distorts the view of the two of them -- Liam’s left with this slightly blurred version but he can make them out well enough. Liam speeds up his own motions as Harry leans forward on Niall’s chest, breathing heavily in between a rough, “Niall - I’m close.” 

Liam’s wanking himself off in kind now, squeezing on the upstroke, his vision goes a bit blurry and his toes start to curl and then Harry’s coming with a grunt into Niall’s shoulder. 

“Jesus!” 

“Liam did you just -- _ahh_ \-- fuck Harry.” 

Niall comes to the sound of Liam panting after his release and then it’s just the sound of heavy breathing and water flowing that fills up the bathroom until Niall’s laughing again. 

“That wasn’t the most wash effective shower I’ve ever had.” 

Liam wipes his hand on the towel that’s fallen to the floor around his waist and laughs. “No, probably not.” 

Harry opens the door, reaching for a towel and adds, “But it had its merits.”

Liam hands Harry a towel and then washes his hands before slipping back into his pants and exiting the bathroom, filing into Harry’s bedroom where he goes straight for the bed. 

He doesn’t love Harry’s bed as much as Niall’s but it always does well enough for napping. He furrows in under Harry’s duvet, yawning as Harry and Niall join him. Niall slips in first, tucks in right next to Liam and kisses him. Something warm bubbles in Liam’s chest at the way Niall feels pressed against his skin but then he’s being pulled back and Harry’s looking at him from the other side, eyes dark with something he rarely sees and he’s being kissed again -- Harry’s arms snaking around Liam’s hip and pulling him closer to where he’s flush against Harry’s chest.

Liam sighs into it, usually kissing Harry is slow and lazy but this time Harry kisses him a bit rough -- like it’s the only thing that matters -- and swallows down the sounds that Liam’s making, pressing his fingers into his hips, anchoring him in place. Liam tangles his hand in Harry’s hair and scratches along his scalp. He pulls Liam’s bottom lip between his teeth right as Niall starts scratching lightly down Liam’s side, stopping at the waistband of his pants, and Liam feels absolutely dizzy with the feel of it. Niall pushes underneath the fabric, rubbing the pad of his thumb against the soft skin and Harry abandons kissing Liam to scrape his teeth down Liam’s chest and Liam’s head falls back against the pillow. 

“ _Ah_ \-- guys I thought we were -- _god_ \-- were supposed to be napping.”

His skin is on fire; Niall’s got his hand around Liam’s cock, jerking him off loosely and Harry cups Liam’s balls through his pants and says, “We can nap if you want.” 

Liam lets out a ragged breath and then they stop touching him all together. He whines at the loss of contact, whimpering a little, “Please.”  
The two of them smile down at him coyly and Niall says, “Please what Payno?”

Liam sighs out, frustrated, he hates having to ask for it. He throws his hands over his face to conceal his blush, saying, “Please just _touch me!_ ”

Their hands are back on him instantly -- Niall goes back to jerking him off while Harry brushes lightly at the entrance of his hole. Liam startles a little -- bucking his hips up into Niall’s fist and Harry giggles, eyes twinkling, “You’re always so responsive, babe.”

Niall goes momentarily tense at Liam’s side but before Liam can get anything out other than a moan Niall’s back to normal. Maybe Harry notices or maybe he just wants to tease Liam but he leans forward and kisses Niall, all the same, pulling back for a moment to say, “There’s no need we should be doing all the work and not having a little fun.” 

Niall giggles into Harry’s mouth while Niall continues wanking Liam off -- they lean into each other and kiss above him, Harry wraps a hand behind Niall’s neck and pulls him closer and Liam feels like he’s going to burn up at any moment. The sight of the two of them, Harry pulling back just to lick into Niall’s mouth again, the way Niall lets out these breathy little moans when he does it, and the fact that they’ve got him pinned down by their bodies bracketing him sets Liam over the edge. Niall thumbs over the head of his cock as he squeezes on the upstroke and Liam’s toes curl, coming with a strangled shout.

Niall and Harry pull apart above him and then Harry takes Niall’s hand in his mouth, licking each finger clean slowly while Liam gets his hand on Niall --offering him relief. Liam strokes Niall off slowly at first until Niall’s begging, “Liam, Jesus. Just - fucking go faster.” 

Liam speeds up and then Harry dips back down and catches Liam’s mouth in a kiss, licking into his mouth while Niall fucks up into Liam’s hand. Then Harry’s pulling back, wanking himself off over Liam while Niall comes over Liam’s hand and a moment later Harry follows suit -- coming all over Liam’s chest. Harry and Niall lean in to kiss again, then Harry crawls off the bed and heads to the bathroom for a flannel to clean Liam up. Niall flops down beside him and kisses him, long and slow, moaning into Liam’s mouth and then Liam feels something warm and wet at his chest, cleaning him up and he pulls away from Niall, looking up at Harry with soft eyes. Niall lies back down against his pillow while Harry finishes cleaning Liam’s hand and then he laughs, “I guess we should’ve waited on that shower.” 

*

An hour later Liam wakes up to the sound of the shower and Niall’s breath hot against his neck. He slips his hand into Niall’s hair and pulls a little, just enough to get Niall to groan into his chest, saying. “Noo. Sleep. More sleep.” 

Liam reaches down and kisses the top of Niall’s head. “Yeah, alright. Five more minutes.” 

The door to Harry’s bathroom opens at that moment and Harry stops in the doorframe, looking damp, rumpled and beautiful, and Liam’s breath hitches a bit. A quiet moment passes where the two of them just stare at each other -- Liam caught up in the rise and fall of Harry’s chest and the way his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks --but then Niall shifts and pulls closer to Liam, mumbling something incoherent in his sleep, and the mood shifts. Harry’s eyes cloud with the same look from before but he runs his hands through his hair and then it’s gone. He’s asking, “Do you two wanna stay for dinner?”

Liam cards his fingers through Niall’s hair, whispering against his ear, “Nialler, it’s been five minutes. You wanna stay for dinner tonight?”

Niall stirs at Liam’s side, and says around a yawn, “Yeah, yeah alright.” 

Liam fiddles around in the kitchen while Harry cooks and Niall showers and then Liam has a shower of his own, coming back to find Niall helping Harry chop vegetables -- something Harry never lets Liam do -- and Liam feels oddly fond as seeing the two of them working in such harmony. 

He wants to file it away forever, to remember the way these two make him feel and how happy he is that this is all working out -- that they’ve found a way to make this all work. But then Niall passes by Harry so softly, brushing his hand against the small of his back, and Harry stills what he’s doing to turn a bit and grab Niall’s wrist softly, smiling back at him, and Liam feels his chest tighten. He feels the desire to reach out and push them apart flare up again and he doesn’t really know what to make of it -- doesn’t know if it’s because he wants all their attention focused on him or if he just doesn’t like the idea of sharing them with each other. He pushes it down and tries not to worry about it; by the time he and Niall leave to catch a cab home he’s forgotten all about it, more caught up in the feel of Niall’s head on his shoulder and the way he seems to fit there perfectly. 

*

Two days later Liam’s stretched out on the sofa with his head rested on Zayn’s lap while he flips through the channels trying to find something to watch when Liam thinks about how Valentine’s day is coming up and wonders what he should get Harry and Niall. 

“Zayn, what do you think Harry and Niall would want for Valentine’s Day? Should I just get them chocolates? Or like, I dunno get them something nice? Like Niall’s guitar strap is falling apart I could get him a new one and Harry really likes to wear scarves as headbands so I was thinking I could get him some.”

Zayn stops flipping through the channels at Liam’s rambling, looks down at him curiously, a bit concerned, saying, “Liam. You’re getting them both gifts?”  
Liam shifts a bit, looking up at Zayn in surprise. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, like, aren’t you just technically going out with Harry?”

Liam bites his lip in confusion because maybe that’s how it was a first -- before the first time they all hooked up together, maybe even a few weeks after that, too -- but now it seems like the three of them are so twisted up in each other that it would be inappropriate to not get both of them something. 

He sits up to look at Zayn full on. “I thought -- you’re the one who said it was like I had two boyfriends!”

Zayn looks at Liam with this twist in his face, something between fury and pity. “Liam, I was taking the piss because I think this whole thing is so fucking ridiculous!”

“I know, Zayn! I see the way you and Louis look at us. I know! But it’s just -- it works okay? We’re happy!”

Zayn sighs and Liam slinks down on the sofa in frustration. 

“Liam, babe, are you -- nevermind. Just forget it. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

He looks at Liam like he’s a volatile substance and Liam feels like maybe Zayn’s right. Maybe this isn’t right at all, maybe he’s clinging to something that was never going to work out in the first place, maybe he’s just too stubborn to admit that jealousy permeates so much of this relationship and how that might mean they’re not all as happy as Liam thinks. 

*  
Liam decides to get them gifts anyway. It takes him three days to find a scarf that he thinks Harry will like, he even takes a shift off to meet Ruth for advice on the whole thing; they settle on an orange paisley scarf and then Liam panics and picks up a solid green one, Ruth saying it’ll bring out his eyes, just in case the paisley one is too much. Niall’s gift is a lot easier to come by, though; he express orders a nice leather guitar strap with these little Irish flag guitar picks to go along with it and then he’s done. He’s happy with both choices until Valentine’s day arrives and then he gets nervous and sweaty at the thought of giving either of them away. 

Harry texts him Friday morning _wash your clothes or borrow something nice we’re going out tonight. just you and me xx_. 

Liam doesn’t know why he’s surprised, there’s an unspoken rule between the three of them that since Niall and Liam live together Harry and Liam are the only ones who go on dates, but his stomach still sinks for a split second at the thought of leaving Niall out on Valentine’s day. His guilt is partially washed away when Niall ducks into his room while he’s getting ready for his date with Harry to tell him that he and Zayn are going to Louis’ to gorge themselves on takeaway and chocolate while they listen to Louis bemoan the single life. 

He gets nervous at the way Niall looks at him when he says “single life” and Liam splutters a bit when he says, “Niall. Um, I like --” 

He scratches at the back of his neck and looks at his feet. “I got you a gift.” 

He ruffles through his desk for the box while Niall says softly, almost as if he’s stunned, “You got me a gift?”

Liam turns to look at Niall, he looks paler than usual, almost sick, “Niall, babe, what’s wrong?”

He shakes his head and his face clears, smiling a little forced, not reaching his eyes in the slightest. “Nothing. Just surprised you got me a gift. I didn’t -- I thought it was you and -- Nothing. Nevermind.” 

He pauses for a second and then finishes, deflated, “I just didn’t get you anything, Leemo.”

Liam meets Niall where he’s standing in the doorway cautiously and places the box in Niall’s hand. “Don’t worry about it Nialler. Valentine’s Day was just an excuse for me to get you this. You’ve needed it for a while.” 

Niall opens the box and runs his thumb over the leather of the strap, looking up at Liam with this soft smile, eyes alight. “Liam. This is so nice.”

Liam’s heart does this fluttering thing in his chest, an indescribable feeling coursing through him at the way Niall’s looking at him like this guitar strap means everything to him. Liam laughs, pulls the guitar picks out of his pocket, placing them on top of the guitar strap, next to Niall’s thumb, saying, “And then I got you these just in case you forget that you’re Irish.” 

The charged moment that had been building up between the two of them is suddenly broken, Niall’s laughing , leaning his head back and cheeks turning red, he settles and hits Liam in the chest lightly. 

“Fuck off, Liam. Way to ruin a moment.” 

Liam leans forward to kiss the edge of Niall’s mouth. “Happy Valentine’s day, Niall. Have fun at Louis’ tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His eyes do that thing where they go a bit sharp around the edges for a brief moment at the mention of Liam hanging out with Harry alone and then he’s fine. He kisses Liam softly and straightens Liam’s tie. “Yeah, alright. Have fun with Harry tonight. You look nice.”

 

Harry picks Liam up twenty minutes later and takes him to this fancy little restaurant fifteen minutes away from his place. Halfway through they exchange gifts; Harry gives Liam this tacky children’s watch with an orange as the face and his eyes go bright when Liam opens it saying, “I know you like watches and…” He touches his lips nervously and finishes, “Well the orange reminded me of you.” 

Liam feels warm and fond and regrets not getting Harry something more personal, not as predictable. He gives Harry the box anyway, and fidgets with his fingers while he waits for Harry to open it. Harry’s eyes light up as he takes the orange scarf out and runs it through his hands with this soft smile on his face.

“Oh Liam, this is perfect.”

Liam leans forward, motioning toward the inside of the box, “There’s um - there’s another in there. I didn’t know if you would like the paisley so I just got - I got the green one as well.” 

Harry laughs softly. “Liam, I like them both. They’re both great. I particularly like the fact that you’re supporting my fashion choices. Louis always gets this look in his eyes when he tells me they look good.”

He leans forward and stage whispers, “I think he thinks they’re ridiculous.” 

Liam’s laughter bubbles over at that. He’s forgotten how fun things are with Harry; he’s been so caught up in everything with Niall and Harry that he lost sight of why this all started -- that it all started because Harry made him feel special when all he wanted to do was hate everyone. 

“Harry, I’m really glad I met you.”

Liam means it, he doesn’t know if he would have ever gotten out of his funk without Harry making himself a part of Liam’s life. Harry’s eyes crinkle and he tilts his head to the side a bit, considering Liam’s face for a moment. “Didn’t I _tell_ you we were going to be fast friends?”

Harry’s voice is warm and sweet, like he’s retelling a favorite story, but there’s something closed off in his eyes, as if he’s worried about something so Liam reaches forward and grabs his hand, squeezing. 

“Hey, you wanna get outta here?” 

Everything after that is frantic. They hurry through the rest of dinner and then Harry grabs Liam’s hand, rushing him out the restaurant and into his car where he keeps casting these sidelong looks at Liam the entire way back to his flat. There’s something needy and almost desperate about the way Harry pushes him back against the door the moment they get inside. Harry mouths at Liam’s neck while Liam fumbles with getting Harry’s blazer off -- distracted when Harry nips at the base of his neck just above his shirt collar, licking over the sensitive spot before sucking a mark into his skin. 

Liam finally manages to slip Harry’s blazer off, getting his fingers around the fabric of his shirt to untuck it; Harry detaches himself from Liam’s neck to undo his tie -- pausing before working on Liam’s buttons to say softly, “You look really nice tonight, Liam. Thank you for coming out with me.” 

There’s a sincerity in his eyes that makes Liam think he’s thanking him for more than just the date but Harry’s doesn’t give him much time to dwell on it before he’s got all his buttons undone, pushing his shirt to the ground and pulling him forward, walking him back toward his room. They make quick work of their clothes once in Harry’s bedroom; Harry trips a bit taking off his jeans and laughs while he crawls up to meet Liam where he’s already situated on the bed. 

Harry presses down against Liam, dick already half hard, and makes steady work of getting the two of them all the way there. It doesn’t take long for Harry to have Liam begging, bucking his hips forward to seek more friction -- any sort of relief at all. Harry slots his mouth against Liam’s, licking into his mouth and then pulling back to bite at his bottom lip while he grinds his hips down on Liam’s. They get off like this, with their cocks sliding against each other and Harry’s mouth warm and firm against Liam’s, both too desperate for anything else. Later, Liam kisses Harry slow, working him up at an excruciating pace and then fucks into him hard and fast -- Harry throwing his head back, coming with a strangled _Liam_ on his lips. 

* 

The next morning Harry makes him eggs on toast and drops him off at his flat telling him he has plans with his sister and that maybe he’ll stop by later. That night Zayn and Louis beg off to some movie that Liam doesn’t want to see and Niall stays back with him to keep him company. 

A tenseness builds up in the flat the moment Zayn leaves, Niall looking at Liam like he’s got something important to tell him. He never does, though. Liam asks him if something’s bothering him and Niall just changes the subject quickly with a wave of the hand, shifting in his seat and asking instead, “How was your date with Harry last night?” 

Liam’s heart clenches at the question, he feels very strange about Niall asking. He knows he shouldn’t because Niall always asks how his dates are, he always has -- but this time it feels different, like Niall’s searching for something from Liam in his answer.

“It was good. He got me this children’s watch with like - the face of it was an orange. He said it reminded him of me.” 

Liam says it quickly, not wanting Niall to make fun of it, or Harry. But he doesn’t, he should have given him more credit than that. Niall’s eyes twinkle and he laughs, but not unkindly, and says, “That sounds like Harry. Very quirky.” 

Niall’s still looking at him like he’s trying to figure something out and Liam feels like his world is slowly coming undone, he picks at his thumbnail and asks lamely, “How was -- how was Valentine’s day with Louis and Zayn?”

Niall’s eyes light up like he’s remembering something funny. “We ate too many candy hearts. Louis got drunk and weepy about love and romance. Zayn drew me as Cupid. All very exciting.” 

Liam raises his eyebrows in amusement, eyes crinkling at the thought of the three of them holed up in Louis’ flat over indulging in candy hearts while Louis get emotional. “It sounds like it.” 

Niall says, voice forced even and eyes looking anywhere but Liam, “Yeah well not all of us are lucky enough to have dates for Valentine’s so we gotta make do.” 

Liam’s breath hitches a bit, he’s taken aback. Niall’s eyes snap toward him, cold and unkind. The mood is unbelievably cold, then; Liam doesn’t know what to say -- he feels like he never knows what to say anymore. Stumbling over his words, desperate to get that cold look out of Niall’s eyes, he says, “Hey Niall-- it’s not. It’s not like I didn’t want to take you out for Valentine’s, or even any dates at all. It’s just. It’s always been that way. Harry and I go on dates and me and you hang out and …” 

He can’t think of the words to describe what they are or what it is they’re doing so he just doesn’t finish -- leaves his thought hanging there for Niall to fill in himself. Liam knows it’s a mistake when Niall responds. 

“And what? Fuck around and nap while your boyfriend isn’t around?” 

Niall’s laughing, loud and full of air, cheeks red and eyes wild, and Liam’s stomach sinks. 

“Niall it’s not like that. You know it’s not like that! You’re a part of this. We talked about it.” 

He says it almost imploringly, but Niall just rolls his eyes, not believing him at all.

“No Liam, we talked _once_. You asked me once if I’d like to hook up with you and Harry and then we just never stopped. But we never talked about this. We never talked about what I am in this whole thing.” 

Liam scrubs his hands over his face, body heating up at the force of Niall’s words. 

“I’m sorry. I really am. I thought everyone was happy. I thought you were happy. I thought this is what you wanted.” 

Niall’s face softens a bit. “Yeah, I know, Liam. And I did for a while but now I don’t. I don’t want this anymore at all. It’s too much.” 

Niall looks sad like he very rarely does and Liam just wants to make it stop -- wants to do anything he can to make Niall smile again. He reaches out for Niall’s hand, saying gently, “Niall, you know I love you, right?”

He means it, thinks he probably always has but it doesn’t calm the situation at all. Niall jerks his hand away like he’s just been burned and says scathingly, “Don’t. That’s not fair, Liam. That’s not fair to me and it’s not fucking fair to Harry. Just don’t.” 

They sit in silence for a moment, Liam not knowing what else to say to make this thing go away, not knowing how to get Niall to believe what he’s saying and not think he’s just trying to placate the situation so he won’t end things. Niall laughs and nods his head, resolved; he gets up and moves past Liam, runs his hand through Liam’s hair, causing him to shudder. 

“I should've never gotten in the middle of this. Harry makes you happy. Just let him make you happy.” 

He heads for his room, leaving Liam there to watch him walk away with so many things to say at the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t want that at all, he wants Niall -- he _loves_ Niall -- he realizes then that he doesn’t want to be happy with Harry if Niall’s not there to share in it. 

*

Niall leaves an hour later to meet Zayn and Louis at a bar, he slips out without saying goodbye and Liam knows he’s fucked everything up. Harry comes over shortly after Niall leaves, eyes bright and smile big. Liam didn’t have the nerve to tell him they should catch each other later but he really wishes he did when Harry sobers up at the sight of Liam sullen and moping. Liam tries to change the subject when Harry asks what’s wrong but he’s very insistent and for the second time that night Liam feels ambushed -- like he’s about to ruin everything. 

“It’s nothing, Harry. Niall and I just got in a bit of a fight.” 

Harry looks shocked, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. “What about?”

“It’s not important. He just doesn’t want to,” Liam gestures between the two of them and then throws his hands up as if that’ll make it more clear, “Y’know, do this anymore.”

Harry’s eyes sharpen, mouth pursing. “That sounds pretty serious, Liam.” 

Liam wants to rewind time -- go back to the beginning of last term and sit in a different seat, be more careful when he takes his syllabus, make sure he never gets Harry’s attention with that stupid paper cut -- he can’t handle upsetting another person tonight, but he knows it’s inevitable. Liam can see the concern in Harry’s eyes, how he’s worried about him and he just can’t stomach telling him anything more. 

Harry seems to pick up on Liam’s inner turmoil, asking him slowly, like he doesn’t really want to hear the answer, “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Liam can’t just lie to him, he knows that, but he doesn’t know how to tell him that he doesn’t want to do this without Niall. 

Liam sighs out, frustrated, “I told him I loved him.” 

Harry’s face falls, and then he says, eerily calm, “Oh. That’s nice.” 

Liam feels like his whole world is falling apart -- like every bit of happiness he worked on the past five months is being ripped away. 

Desperation sinks in, he doesn’t want to hurt both of them in one night. “Harry’s it’s not. No, I really care--” 

Harry cuts him off. “Don’t Liam. Don’t lie to me.” 

Harry’s eyes are wet and Liam desperately wants to make it stop, wants to make Harry happy again. He just wants everyone to be happy. 

“I’m not lying, Harry. I _do_ care about you. It’s just…”

Harry finishes for him, “Different with Niall.” 

He wipes at his eyes, “Yeah. Yeah, I know. Knew it was the first time we all hooked up.” 

Liam leans back against the sofa, feeling emotionally exhausted, like the biggest prick in the world but then Harry’s smiling down at him, a little tight around the edges but welcoming, asking with genuine curiosity, “Well did he at least say it back?”

Liam’s surprised. He can’t believe that Harry’s actually asking, actually concerned about the state of Liam’s love life when he’s all but told Harry it’s over. Liam flushes under Harry’s gaze. “Not as such. He told me not to say it -- that it wasn’t fair to the two of you and then he left the room. Told me to let myself be happy with you.” 

Harry smiles fondly this time, voice warm, “I always liked Niall.” He pauses for a moment, leans back on the sofa and meets Liam’s eyes, “But I don’t think you could've ever been completely happy with me while Niall was still around.” 

He doesn’t sound bitter, just honest and Liam knows he’s right. But he also knows that the timing was just wrong with him and Harry -- had he met him earlier, had he and Niall never started sleeping together, he would have been able to love him, he’s sure of it.  
They sit there in silence for a long moment -- nothing left to say, nothing left to be fixed -- and then Harry gets up, touches Liam’s knee and says goodbye. For the second time that night he watches someone he cares about walk away from him, knowing once again that it’s all his fault that they’re upset. Harry stops in the middle of the doorframe, one foot out the door, turning a bit to smile back at Liam. “Liam. He loves you, too. You’ll just have to wait around a bit for him.” 

*  
Two weeks pass before Niall will stay in the same room with Liam long enough for him to get anything out other than hello and Liam's beginning to think he's messed things up in a way that can't be fixed. Niall's in the kitchen washing up when Liam goes in for a glass of water. He presses his hip against Niall's when he fills his glass up, thinking maybe Niall will talk to him this time. Niall steps aside at the touch, turning to Liam with hard, stubborn eyes, "I'm still not talking to you, Liam."

Liam can’t say he wasn’t expecting that but his stomach still clenches painfully. Niall lets go of the dishes he's washing rather roughly and backs away from the sink, separating himself from Liam as quickly as he can. Niall's turning into the hallway when Liam, in a last ditch effort to get Niall to talk to him again, calls out, "Harry and I called things off." 

Niall turns back toward him but he doesn't look happy or relieved he just looks hurt. "Yeah and that does what, Liam? You think I'm just gonna get back in bed with you just like that?" 

Niall looks at Liam like he doesn't know him at all and Liam feels cold all over. "No, Niall! I just thought you should know I was serious when I said I loved you. I didn't want to do anything without _you_."

Liam's tongue feels heavy and large in his mouth and Niall just scrubs his hand over his face in frustration, looking back at Liam with an unfamiliar look in his eyes. His voice is tight and controlled when he says, "Liam, Harry was my friend, too. I can't just -- I can't do this right now." 

Liam understands. He can't say he's surprised but when Niall walks away with finality in his step a sense of dread passes over Liam like he'll never get his best friend back, let alone have something more.

*

It's another three weeks of awkward kitchen encounters and Zayn trying to force them to stop avoiding each other before Liam starts to think Harry could have been right. Just as Liam lies down to have a nap Niall knocks on his door and pokes his head in cautiously.

“Can I come in?”

Liam’s heart beats erratically at the way Niall looks at him like he might say no, like he could possibly turn him away. “You know you’re always welcome, Niall.” 

Niall smiles at him, the biggest smile Liam's seen on him in a while, and then rushes over, tucking in next to Liam, kissing his cheek. “I missed you, Liam.” 

His heart swells at the warmth in Niall’s voice and the way he brushes his hands across Liam’s bare chest, as if he’s mapping out the territory he hasn’t seen in so long and Liam doesn’t know what to expect in the following moments. Niall mouths at Liam’s neck, working his way up toward his jaw, murmuring into his skin as he goes, “I didn’t think you’d actually call things off with Harry.” 

Niall crawls onto Liam’s lap, familiar and comfortable like he always has, pinches at his nipple and Liam lets out this soft sigh, “Yeah, I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want to do anything without you.” 

Niall grinds down on Liam’s cock, leaning forward to slot his mouth against Liam’s, kissing him thoroughly, pulling back, lips red and chapped, to say, “Yeah, well I get that now.” 

Niall starts rocking back and forth on Liam’s lap, grinding his hips down slowly, laughing when Liam says his name low and rough, jerking his hips forward to create more friction. 

“It’s a bit fucked up that it took us another boy being thrown in the mix to realize that we loved each other.”

Liam's heart speeds up, it feels like a balloon about to burst, flushing under the intensity Niall's looking at him, words thick on his tongue, "Oh, you love me?"

He laughs again, fondly, leaning forward to press kisses across Liam's face, kissing his mouth just before saying, "Don't be daft, Liam. Why else do you think I got myself in this thing in the first place." 

Liam knows he should have realized that. Knows had he not been so selfishly wrapped up in his own feelings he would have seen what was right in front of him. A moment of shame flares up before Niall stops him in his tracks. 

He pulls back a bit, looking down at Liam gently, voice soft, "No, no. Don't go all Liam on me. Let's not dwell on the past." 

Liam gets his hands on Niall's hips and flips them over, breathing out, "Yeah. Yeah alright." 

He rucks up Niall's shirt, pulling him forward to get it all the way off. Liam settles himself between Niall's legs, sucks a mark at his hip, fusses with getting Niall's trousers undone while he fidgets underneath him needily. 

Liam leans back on his knees and watches as Niall kicks out of his trousers, leaving his pants on. Liam's eyebrows knit together for a second before he's laughing at Niall saying, mouth set in a pout, "You're not the only one who likes having someone else take their pants off." 

He hooks his fingers under the waistband of Niall's pants and pulls them off, settles back between his legs and darts his tongue out to lick at the tip of Niall's hard, pink cock. He shudders under the contact and Liam presses his thumbs into his hips to keep him still. Niall’s extra responsive today, bucking his hips up against Liam’s grip when Liam runs the flat of his tongue against the underside of his cock, moaning loudly when Liam swallows him down fully. 

He feels Niall shift underneath him, hears the sheets rustling and pulls off with a pop to see Niall rummaging through the bedside table with one hand. He turns on his hip and finally gets what he's been looking for, throwing a condom and a small bottle of lube at Liam's face with an expectant look, laughing, "Come on, Liam, fuck me." 

Liam strips out of his pants, squeezes some lube onto his fingers, rubs them together and says, "Always so forward, Niall."

He dips back down and sucks hard at the head of Niall's cock while brushing lightly at the entrance of his hole and Niall's response gets caught in his throat, instead coming out a loud groan when Liam pushes the first finger in. He works Niall open quickly while he impatiently pushes down on Liam's fingers, muttering into the crook of his elbow, "Come on. Come on." 

Liam doesn't waste any more time after that, rolls the condom on and slicks himself up, pushing in as quick as he thinks he should which is still not quick enough for Niall who wraps his legs around Liam to pull him closer. 

"Come on, Liam, get a move on!"

Liam presses forward, catching Niall's mouth in a kiss as he bottoms out, rocking his hips forward in short, quick thrusts. Liam's vision starts going white with the way Niall clenches around him tightly and bites at his shoulder between these soft keening noises and is pushed over the edge, coming with a muffled shout in Niall's shoulder, when he wraps his legs around Liam tighter as Liam fucks into him erratically, clenching hard when Liam hits his prostate again, coming where his cock is trapped between their stomachs. 

They lie there for a moment panting hard against each other until Niall pushes at Liam's hips, wrinkling his nose against Liam's skin, saying through a laugh, "Get off me, you're heavy." 

Liam rolls over with a sigh, tired. The bed shifts and Niall gets up to clean himself off, coming back with a damp flannel for Liam. After, Niall joins him back in bed, settling down beside him, warm against his skin. Liam feels comfortable and calm, like this is where he was always meant to end up, squeezes Niall's hand and lets the steady rise and fall of Niall's breathing lull him to sleep, knowing when they wake up Niall will be there and they can figure everything else out then. 

*

Harry comes into Starbucks during Liam’s shift for the first time three months after Niall and Liam finally figure it out. He looks momentarily surprised, like he genuinely didn’t know Liam would be working, then comes up to the counter to order his usual, saying, “Hello, Liam. It’s been a while.” 

He smiles really slow, like maybe he’s a little reluctant to allow Liam to see that kind of happiness on his face. He runs his hands through his hair a little shyly when Liam asks how he’s been. 

“I’ve been good, Liam.”

He pauses for a moment, blinking slowly. “I met someone.”

He doesn’t really know what to say, doesn’t know how much he should be asking, or if Harry wants him to ask at all. But he goes for it anyway. 

“Oh, really? How’s that going?” 

He smiles sheepishly and Liam feels warm all over at seeing that again -- all he’s ever wanted to do is see Harry happy.

“It’s going really well, he’s nice. Nothing like you.”

His eyes are twinkling like he’s telling a joke and Liam knows if anyone else said that it would have felt like a knife in the chest but this just feels like the truth.

“Oh so he’s not sleeping with his best friend that he doesn’t know he’s in love with?”

Liam sucks in a sharp breath and wills another customer to queue up because he can’t believe he just said that. He’s about to just slam his hand in the register and cause a commotion so Harry will stop talking to him for a moment but then Harry’s laughing big and bright. 

He claps his hand over his mouth and his eyes widen in shock. He clears his throat to calm himself. “Yeah, I might’ve asked the first time we hooked up.”

Harry’s order comes up at that moment and Harry moves away from the register, he turns back toward Liam to say, “It was nice seeing you, Liam. Maybe Louis and I’ll come by the flat again sometime. Louis misses Zayn -- says it’s been hell picking my side in the breakup.” 

“Yeah Harry, come by any time you like. We’d love to have you two around again.”

Harry smiles and waves goodbye, calling back, “Say ‘hi’ to Niall for me.” 

He leaves as a rush of people come in and Liam thinks that he doesn’t deserve for Harry not to hate him, doesn’t deserve for Niall to love him, doesn’t deserve any of it at all, but he’s happy all the same.

**Author's Note:**

> As much as it goes against every fiber of my Harry/Liam heart, Niall/Liam is endgame in this story.


End file.
